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REDNECK CHRISTMAS
'Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through the shack
Not a creature was stirrin', cept the lice on muh back.
The skoal cans wuz nailed to the screen door with care,
With hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. The children were sleepin', all snug in their beds,
While visions of tractor pulls danced in their heads.
And Ma in her nightgown all stained with pound cake.
Had just settled down to watch Ricki Lake. When out in the driveway, a loud noise I heard,
I opened the winder to check muh T-bird.
I ran to the door, like I's on a mission,
But I tripped on some parts from muh granny's transmission. The moon shone outside, the hound dog wuz barkin'.
Muh daughter weren't home yet, she wuz still out parkin'. When what to muh whiskey blind eyes should I see
But a Chevy S-10, pulled by eight flyin' sheep.
With a fat nasty driver, so disgustin' and sick
I said "Shoot Fire!" That must be St. Nick! More rapid than X-lax his wooly sheep came
And he belched and he hollered, and he called 'em by name. Now CLIFFORD! Now VERNON! Now LESTER and ENUS!
On FESTUS! On ELMER! On ROSCOE and CLETUS! From the top of the shack to them there garbage bins
Now Dash Away! Dash Away! Dash Away youins! I heard a loud sound on the roof of muh shack.
Pud down muh beer and went fer muh gun rack.
He fell through the roof, plum killed my dog,
I swear that ole' Santa looked just like Boss Hog. He wore a T-shirt, rebel flag on the front,
And his jeans were all bloody from that morning's hunt.
A big nekkid lady tattooed on his arm,
And he wore black boots that he'd picked up in 'Nam. His eyes, how they glazed from too much Wild Turkey.
From the side of his mouth hung a stick of beef jerky.
A scar on his cheek from a fight with the cops.
The veins on his face looked ready to pop. The butt of a Marlboro clung to his lip
He wore a hip pack full of B-B-Q chips.
He had a fat face and a hairy beer belly.
I ain't seen one that big since muh ex-wife Shelly. He was gap-toothed and dumb with an I.Q. of three
And I laughed cause that redneck was smarter than me.
A wink of his eye, a fierce shake of his head,
From his hair came a rat that ran under the bed. He reached in his sack, sipped his gin and tonic,
Then filled the kid's stockings with Hooked on Phonics.
His toys came from Big Lots and they weren't very nice
But he had lots of them and yuh can't beat the price. He gave us a tape of them hound dogs that sing Jingle Bells.
Some Crisco, some Spam, some Oatmeal Cream pies,
And a Nascar T-shirt in Double X size. When the presents were gone and he had no more,
He staggered and stumbled right through muh screen door. He hopped in his truck, to his sheep gave an order
"Hurry up youins! To the Tennessee border!"
And I heard him cry out, with a strong southern drawl,
"MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU REDNECKS! MERRY CHRISTMAS Y'ALL!" YEE HAAAAAWWWWWWW!!!!!!

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TO ALL MY FRIENDS...... To My Friends Who Are......... MARRIED Love is...not about "it's your fault", but "I'm sorry", not "where are you", but "I'm right here", not "how could you", but "I understand", not "I wish you were", but "I'm thankful you are." To My Friends Who Are............ ENGAGED The true measure of compatibility is not the years spent together but how good you are for each other. To My Friends Who Are............. NOT SO SINGLE Love isn't about becoming somebody else's "perfect person." It's about finding someone who helps you become the best person you can be. To My Friends Who Are............ HEARTBROKEN Heartbreaks last as long as you want and cut deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them. To My Friends Who Are............ NAIVE How to be in love: Fall but don't stumble,be consistent but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, and get hurt but never keep the pain. To My FRIENDS WHO ARE............. HARD TO GET True love cannot be found where it does not truly exist, nor can it be hidden where it truly does. Love is magic. The more we hide it, the more it shows; the more you suppress it, the more it grows. To My Friends Who Are............ PLAYBOY TYPE Never say I love u if you don't care. Never talk about feelings if they aren't there. Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart. Never look in the eye when all you do is lie. The cruelest thing a guy can do to a girl is to let her fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall. (of course, the guy can be a girl you know!) To My Friends Who Are............ POSSESSIVE It breaks your heart to see the one you love happy with someone else but it's more painful to know that the one you love is unhappy with you. To My Friends Who Are............ AFRAID TO CONFESS Love hurts when you break up with someone. It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you. But love hurts the most when the person you love has no idea how you feel. To My Friends Who Are............ STILL HOLDING ON A sad thing about life is that when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be. We just have to let go. To My Friends Who Are............ SINGLE Love is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you. But if you just let it fly, it would come to you when you least expect it. Love can make you happy but often times it hurts, but love's only special, when you give it to someone who is worth it. So take your time and choose the best way to be.
		REDNECK CHRISTMAS 'Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through the shack Not a creature was stirrin', cept the lice on muh back. The skoal cans wuz nailed to the screen door with care, With hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. The children were sleepin', all snug in their beds, While visions of tractor pulls danced in their heads. And Ma in her nightgown all stained with pound cake. Had just settled down to watch Ricki Lake. When out in the driveway, a loud noise I heard, I opened the winder to check muh T-bird. I ran to the door, like I's on a mission, But I tripped on some parts from muh granny's transmission. The moon shone outside, the hound dog wuz barkin'. Muh daughter weren't home yet, she wuz still out parkin'. When what to muh whiskey blind eyes should I see But a Chevy S-10, pulled by eight flyin' sheep. With a fat nasty driver, so disgustin' and sick I said "Shoot Fire!" That must be St. Nick! More rapid than X-lax his wooly sheep came And he belched and he hollered, and he called 'em by name. Now CLIFFORD! Now VERNON! Now LESTER and ENUS! On FESTUS! On ELMER! On ROSCOE and CLETUS! From the top of the shack to them there garbage bins Now Dash Away! Dash Away! Dash Away youins! I heard a loud sound on the roof of muh shack. Pud down muh beer and went fer muh gun rack. He fell through the roof, plum killed my dog, I swear that ole' Santa looked just like Boss Hog. He wore a T-shirt, rebel flag on the front, And his jeans were all bloody from that morning's hunt. A big nekkid lady tattooed on his arm, And he wore black boots that he'd picked up in 'Nam. His eyes, how they glazed from too much Wild Turkey. From the side of his mouth hung a stick of beef jerky. A scar on his cheek from a fight with the cops. The veins on his face looked ready to pop. The butt of a Marlboro clung to his lip He wore a hip pack full of B-B-Q chips. He had a fat face and a hairy beer belly. I ain't seen one that big since muh ex-wife Shelly. He was gap-toothed and dumb with an I.Q. of three And I laughed cause that redneck was smarter than me. A wink of his eye, a fierce shake of his head, From his hair came a rat that ran under the bed. He reached in his sack, sipped his gin and tonic, Then filled the kid's stockings with Hooked on Phonics. His toys came from Big Lots and they weren't very nice But he had lots of them and yuh can't beat the price. He gave us a tape of them hound dogs that sing Jingle Bells. Some Crisco, some Spam, some Oatmeal Cream pies, And a Nascar T-shirt in Double X size. When the presents were gone and he had no more, He staggered and stumbled right through muh screen door. He hopped in his truck, to his sheep gave an order "Hurry up youins! To the Tennessee border!" And I heard him cry out, with a strong southern drawl, "MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU REDNECKS! MERRY CHRISTMAS Y'ALL!" YEE HAAAAAWWWWWWW!!!!!!
THESE ARE FROM MY FRIENDS 1. I will leave the light on for you Every night the world comes to an end night falls on the eye and darkness comes come into the light my friend I will be there waiting for you to return, and I will leave the light on for you tonight will fall again summer days longer winter nights extend the darkness as I wait for you to return and I will leave the light on for you all my heart is gone from the soul and I will never last another day but I will try to understand and the heart of mine will still be there in the end come back quicky but not to fast work out your troubles and I will leave the light on for you 2. in the world of hunger i will be your food in the sky of blue i will be the sun and in your heart i want to be to cheer you up to make you feel oh so special because that is how you are SPECIAL 3. In time of trouble dont count me double I dont mean to hurt your soul within I will just empty my heart out to you do what you want say what you will just dont say what you dont mean love can be protrayed in unmerciful ways but I will go through all just to have you back in my arms once again to live through it all is what I will do and dont you wait until the time is right to call me back you leave me your love the only person you care more for and cares back just the same you leave the circumstance that you have been livin just for another in this river of your love I will not last another day without the returned effots of love and I am sorry that I have hurt you shown you pain but in the end I hope you change 4. I will live another day My love will to For you to leave For the love of your life to last But another day And I will not I need to know Do you love me? Why cant you say? Will you be ashamed? Because you are afraid Of what you will say? Of how you will hurt me? How can it be more? Then I have hurt you? Dont you worry. About the way That I have harmed you And almost killed you But in the end I hope you understand I that still Love you 5. why won't you talk to me why won't you care love is given only once but not to a pear i will be there but not your fall back make a desision and stop the pain if i was only to live one more day would you live it with me or would you not? tell me now its eating me up inside but i can not ease the pain with love any more 6. love is found in a place not in a open place to be seen by many hold it close to your heart don't give it to whoever keep it close know that, that one will only be...the only one don't give into the pressure live through it don't give in fight through it and with this i leave you to think and pounder on this one question "WHO WILL YOU LOVE?" 7. life is found in colors black is for emptyness and your soul will wrough red is for death when i am not near green is for life for of which you give me blue is for cleanliness as you wash my soul yellow is light in my life and white is for you yourpure hear i will send to you i will give you my life 8. To you... I'd never lie And for you... You know I'd die So I'm hopin You'll be mine Cuz I'll love you Till the end of time I hope you know You mean the world I'd wait a lifetime for you To be my girl Here in the dark It's late at night And the wrong Has never felt so right We're kissin each other And I'm holdin you tight Squintin in the dark Tryin to keep you in my sight And of all the things I say One will always be true To that somebody special I hope you know that I love you i love you just as much as your dreams drift in the sun light moon under the stars making it back just in time for me to give you once again a word of love to your ear that reminds you everytime i see the face of an angel under the sunset that yes i do love you in the midst of the undying sun i wait here hot and bother by the heat that you give me in the darkness of the moonlite sun i wake to the sence of the closeness in the world of two. i am your love and yes i love you come close in the house of my heart. please stay the night where i am and you are and we are together for eternity there is only the time between us now. let us trow down our pain and live up the day with me and you in the world of confusion i am your love 9.START OVER When you've trusted God and walked his way When you've felt his hand lead you day by day But your steps now take you another way ... Start over. When you've made your plans and they've gone awry When you've tried your best and there's no more try When you've failed yourself and you don't know why ... Start over. When you've told your friends what you plan to do When you've trusted them and they didn't come through And you're all alone and it's up to you ... Start over. When you've failed your kids and they're grown and gone When you've done your best but it's turned out wrong And now your grandchildren come along ... Start over. When you've prayed to God so you'll know his will When you've prayed and prayed and you don't know still ... When you want to stop cause you've had your fill ... Start over. When you think you're finished and want to quit When you've bottomed out in life's deepest pit When you've tried and tried to get out of it ... Start over. When the year has been long and successes few When December comes and you're feeling blue God gives a January just for you ... Start over. Starting over means "Victories Won" Starting over means "A Race Well Run" Starting over means "God's Will Done" Don't just sit there .............. START OVER -- Author Unknown